


Desiderium

by oreamilkshake



Category: STVF, Seduce the villain's father, 악당의 아빠를 꼬셔라 | Seduce the Villain's Father (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angsty! Yerenica, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Misunderstandings, Please blame Riizi, Songfic, Unrequited Love, for the sake of 300 ffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27552880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreamilkshake/pseuds/oreamilkshake
Summary: When Erudian rejected her proposal, Yerenica realized her feelings for him and accepted that she would never be able to escape the fate destined for all of them.
Relationships: Yereninovica Lebovny/Erudian Belgoat
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	Desiderium

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic inspired by Moira Dela Torre's 'Paubaya'. The lyrics here are rough translations of her song but I still suggest for y'all to listen to that angsty song while reading this.
> 
> Happy Monthsary, Daddycation Cult!

Yerenica watched him turn and walk farther away from her. His broad back and silver hair slowly disappear as a crushing feeling slowly overwhelmed her body.

She didn’t expect the pain, and most certainly not the harsh rejection that she just went through. It wasn’t cruel, but it wasn’t gentle either. Yerenica had tried and tried over and over again yet to no avail. After all, who was she to change destinies and fates?

She was just a lost soul who was never meant to be here anyway.

With a blank stare, she turned away, ignoring her maid who feared for her safety from Soleia Elard. The name almost made her pause and the pain came back.

Soleia Elard.

Yerenica continued her walk back to her quarters with the woman in mind.

A powerful woman who contributed to the development and stability of the Empire. She was the perfect candidate for Empress compared to her, a young princess who can barely survive with the smallest amount of magic to her direction and who hasn’t done anything but take up the Emperor’s time from his duties and be a constant distraction at his side.

 _Yes…_ Yerenica stopped in her steps to turn to look at the main building of the Imperial Palace. _I guess she already had you._

—❖—

_Where did everything started to change?_

_When was I not enough anymore?_

_Why didn’t you tell me from the start?_

_I’m the one you needed but not the one you love_

—❖—

She thought about it. Really thought about it. What was she even doing? What was she even thinking? How stupid of her to think it would actually work.

How can someone, who doesn’t even belong in this world, make a change to something that was already predestined to happen?

Yerenica sighed and huddled more under her blankets.

She had not left her palace since that day, refusing the gardens where she felt a humiliated and pained. True, she wasn’t as pretty as Lady Elard, nor was she as smart, as talented… but still.

The way he acted, the was he spoke to her and cared for her, it made her develop some false sense of hope that she didn’t realize was already there until it was crushed and lowed. Yerenica shifted in her bed to stare up at the canopy. The blue intricate embroideries and the ornate framework.

“ _…_ ”

She closed her eyes.

**_“I don’t love the Princess.”_ **

_It hurts._

**_“I’m trying my best to love her, aren’t I?”_ **

_It really hurts._

Yerenica sat up straight and cradled her face into her hands. _This is worse than the nightmares._ Slowly, she lowered her eyes when a light entered her perception and she looked out the windows to see the moon shining over the Imperial Palace.

White and alone in the dark night, no stars to be seen.

It reminded her of a man who, despite not having friends or families at his side, stayed strong and resilient.

 _You… don’t need me after all._ Yerenica turned away from the moon and hid herself under the covers. She had also decided to stop meeting the Emperor, for what was the point? If he distances herself from him, she would be bound to die anyway.

With that, she embraced the nightmares.

—❖—

_Where did my love lack?_

_I gave everything just to make you smile_

_Why didn’t I see you don’t want (us) anymore?_

_I’m the one you’re with, but you’re looking for her_

—❖—

“Princess?”

Yerenica glanced up from her book to look at the concerned Marianne. “Yes, Marianne? What is it?”

“I,” her maid began, “I beg your pardon, Your Highness, but are you alright? You look… Have you slept well?”

 _No._ She tightened her grip on her book as she gave Marianne a smile. _No, I’m not._

“Yes, there’s no need to worry, Marianne. I’m quite alright.”

“I-I see. But still, would you allow me to call for the court physician?”

Yerenica shook her head, a resigned look on her face. “Let’s not disturb His Majesty with such a thing. All I need is some rest. Perhaps I’ve walked too much for the past few days.”

“Is… is that so…” Marianne remarked and Yerenica decided to end the conversation there.

**[You should think about yourself.]**

Yerenica flipped a page and played with her flower bookmark. _I did before… Nothing came out of it._ She glanced out the window and her eyes immediately went to one of the windows on the third floor of the Imperial Palace where she had once seen him after calling for him.

 _It only took me one try to get your attention, but it took me many tries to try to keep you._ Yerenica looked away. _I should have known you didn’t want me in the first place._

Yerenica leant back on her chair and closed her eyes letting the warm sunshine from outside her window cover her cold face. _I should have known that despite everything, you would still go to her._

And as she mulled over her thoughts her actions, she was unaware of a silver-haired male that would glance so often to her window, wondering what she was doing.

—❖—

_And if you’re happy with her_

_I won’t insist no more_

_All I wish for her is to_

_Never make you cry_

_And to take care of you_

—❖—

**[If you don’t get back in there quickly, you’ll die. If that happens, you’ll become a wondering spirit.]** the voice of Raulus warned her as the body of Yereninovica Susuvia Lebovny groaned in pain

[H-How do I get back?] she panicked as she watched the pale body in front of her suffer. She reached out to touch the body, [How am I supposed to go in…?]

And with the small touch of her fingertips meeting the icy cheeks of the body right in front of her, her vision suddenly shifted and she felt nauseous. Yerenica gasped as she suddenly felt heavy, and she turned to let out a cough to relief herself.

**[Well done. Now that I think about it, that body suits you quite well.]**

Yerenica trembled and shook as the overwhelming fear and what just happened to her registered in her mind and body. She sighed and collapsed on her bed. Tears sprung from her eyes as she felt pain all over her body and she sobbed.

She remembered the nightmare. Remembered every single detail including the false voice that called out for her.

Soleia Elard was smart to use him, but it was clear she didn’t know the relationship between her and His Majesty.

He would never dare to call her by her name. Not once, nor ever.

Yerenica feared for him now more than ever. Lady Elard was going to go through everything to ensure her position would be secure. Everything, including trying to get rid of her. Yerenica let out a sob as a painful sensation came to her chest and she curled in on herself.

_I want it to stop. I’ve already given up. Please make it stop._

—❖—

She could feel herself weakening by the day and everyone in Bellrock Palace would have to be blind not to see it. Marianne always tries to convince her to call for the physician, Diego tries to give her more of his divinity and even suggested in telling the Emperor, but Yerenica refused them all

_Why bother when it’s best this way…_

Yerenica herself noticed the changes on her. She was more quiet and tired but for some reason, she didn’t mind and instead welcomed it. She welcomed the nightmares more and more without resistance and Raulus would drag her back and scold her, fearing for her mind and body.

 ** _[Are you trying to get yourself killed?!]_** he had said one night and it was the first time Yerenica had heard the god raise his voice. But even then, she didn’t care.

If all she had was less than five years left, she might as well just accept her fate as she has already accepted the Emperor’s. In this world that was made for the main characters, they, who stood by the side and were sacrificed, didn’t have much of a choice.

 _But,_ she thought as she touched the window pane in her bedroom which allowed her to see the wing of the palace where the Emperor resided, _even then, I wish she would treat you differently this time. That she would care for you and that you would have a happy family with her._

She knew that it would never happen, but she let her wishful thinking continue. A dim light in this dark world that she was taken to.

—❖—

_Where did the faithfulness stopped?_

_Every time you say you loved me_

_Why didn’t you admit that there’s somebody else?_

_I’m the one you embraced, but you’re thinking of her_

—❖—

Of course, she couldn’t escape from him for long. She knew he would find her absences from the gardens strange and would inquire about it. She didn’t think he would come to Bellrock Palace himself to check on her.

“Greetings, Your Majesty.” She said softly as she curtseyed lowly in front of him once he had entered the parlor and she welcomed him.

A chuckle. “I never thought I would see the day you would curtsy in front of me. You would usually grab my hand and embrace me.”

Yerenica flinced and ignored the want in her chest in doing so but she trampled it down in her body and continued to look down at the floor, not meeting the Emperor’s gaze. “I will restrain myself from being improper with you, Your Majesty.”

“Oh?” he said and silence. “Princess, raise your head. There is no need for this.”

Yerenica silently lifted her posture and stood straight, and her heart burst when finally, after days of not seeing him ever since he had refused her hand, she sees him again.

His silver hair neat and she wanted to touch it as she had never had the opportunity to do so before. Those gleaming red-violet eyes that penetrated her soul and was engrained in her memory. And that small smile that he would always give her. That small smile that captivated her and made her heart pound against her ribs.

“… Have you been sleeping well?”

“Yes.” She responded immediately and Yerenica cursed herself for doing so when he raised a brow. “His Majesty has been very accommodating. I am living a comfortable life here. Thank you for your concern.” She then gestured for the seats. “Shall we have some tea?”

She made a move to prepare it for the both of them when he spoke once again.

“I was actually planning for us to have it in the gardens, if you don’t mind?”

_The gardens…_

Yerenica stiffened and no doubt, with the Emperor’s sharp eyes, he would have noticed.

“Is there something wrong? Do you not like it?”

“Ah,” she turned to him and fidgeted with her fingers. “No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I’d… love to.”

The Emperor gave her his signature smile and offered his hand. Yerenica stared at it before hesitantly placing her hand on his and let herself be escorted out of the palace she had not left for a week.

“I was worried when you weren’t seen in the gardens and I couldn’t see you.”

Yerenica bit her lip, not liking the fluttering of her heart with his words. “I was just tired for a few days. The heat got to me.”

“Heat?” a confused tone enveloped his voice with the question. “Hmm, is that so. Well, it’s quite cool today. I’m sure it will be fine. Please tell me if you are feeling uncomfortable.”

 _The problem is,_ Yerenica thought as they left Bellrock Palace and entered the vast Imperial Gardens, _I am never uncomfortable with you._

The Emperor tried in making small conversations, how the Agreement was slow and topics she would know, but Yerenica, who didn’t have the energy despite being in his presence and being covered by his divinity, answered monotonously. Eventually, the Emperor stopped speaking and just escorted her to the gazebo.

And it was silent even then.

“… Princess?”

“Yes?” Yerenica raised her brows but refused to look up at him, her eyes stuck on the flower petal that fell on her tea.

“… I… hope you are not angry with me with what happened?”

Yerenica hummed and raised a finger to play with the petal, trying to distract herself as she didn’t want to be reminded of what happened on that day.

“Princess?”

“Yes?”

“You must understand that Lady Elard is someone expected to become empress.”

“Yes.” She responded once again, ignoring yet at the same time enduring the breathless feeling of anguish.

“Princess?”

“Yes?”

She waited but he never spoke and so she continued to stare at the pink petal as it was slowly enveloped by her red hibiscus tea. Her blue eyes locked on the petal which slowly sank to the bottom.

—❖—

_And if you’re happy with her company_

_I won’t insist no more_

_All I wish for her is to_

_Never make you cry, and to take care of you_

—❖—

As expected, even if she had met with the Emperor, it wasn’t enough to recover her full strength.

One day, when the Emperor was away doing his duties, Lady Elard visited the palace for an unknown reason. Yerenica at the time was sitting in the balcony of her room when she saw the red-haired woman stopping below the balcony to smile at her.

“Your Highness.” She bowed as Yerenica stared at the woman who is one of the reasons of her suffering. “A pleasure to see you.”

Yerenica didn’t respond but smiled with a small nod.

Marianne glanced at her mistress and the future empress of the empire at the grounds, unsure of what to do and frightened for her ward. And as the two women continued to stare at each other, neither one backing down, Yerenica finally closed her eyes and stood.

And the two women watched as water enveloped her blue eyes, making it clearer and purer than the skies and seas. The smile on her face became sad and melancholic, as if she was suffering just by the mere vision of Soleia Elard.

“You have to take care of him.”

Soleia blinked her eyes at the unexpected words and frowned, “Pardon?”

“His Majesty,” she breathed out, hands gripped tightly on her chest, “you have to take care of him and make him happy.”

Marianne Levasilla and Soleia Elard stared wide-eyed at the Princess who turned to enter her bedroom. Marianne bowed hurriedly to Soleia Elard before following her while Soleia stayed, not moving from her spot.

—❖—

_Why didn’t I think that there would be an end?_

_I was the first, but she is the last._

—❖—

In the dark and middle of the night, when all was silent, Yerenica grabbed a shawl and weakly went down the stairs. It was a slow and exhausting process but worth it when she met the cool outside air, letting them hit her face. She had thought that a dipping her feet in the cool waters of the fountains, wanting nothing but to soothe herself.

Yerenica stopped at the doors of the palace and stared at the dark and mana-filled flowers intent on taking her life.

 _Ah…_ she smiled weakly as Raulus shouted at her to run. _Here is the end…_

Still, as she closed her eyes, the moon shone down on her and she finally looked at the round luminescent planet after weeks of not doing so. She saw him, the emperor and the man she had fallen for without thought.

And as tears cascaded down her pale face, her eyes locked on the moon, and her lips formed a lovely smile, Yerenica wished she could be a star that was beside that lonely moon.

_Please, please be happy._

—❖—

_And it can be seen in your eyes_

_Why she’s the one you chose_

_It’s hard to fight what’s fated_

_Giving it up_

_Giving it up_

_I’m giving it all up to her_

—❖—

“Find her.” Erudian clenched his fists. _“FIND HER!”_

It has been hours since the princess had went missing and he was only told just now. He had listened to her maid who sobbily recounted the story of how she wanted to wake the sickly princess but found the bed empty. She and the other staff of the palace searched all over the grounds until finally deciding to come to him.

 _Princess_ , he glanced out of his window to where her bedroom would be, _where are you?_

Erudian knew he should have done something. He knew he shouldn’t have let it be. When he saw those lifeless blue eyes that resembled dark sapphires instead of the free blue sky, he knew he should have taken more care of her, kept a close eye on her and pushed her to tell him.

And now she was gone without a trace.

Erudian bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair as he paced and thought. Where could she have gone? Where?

Without another word, he grabbed his coat and left his study, joining the search.

And for hours, Erudian used his divinity, used all his strength and might to find a single sign, a single clue to where she could be. Exhausted, he rested his back against the tree and he could still remember the feel of her against his chest, her cool hands holding his as they hid together under the same tree.

 _Fuck…_ he cursed to himself as he rubbed his face in exhaustion. _Where? Just where could she be?_

He knew it all began with her proposal and he rejected her. It was never the same after that. From her absences in the gardens, to how she didn’t call for him anymore, how he could barely see her or hear from her. Eventually, his worry and curiosity overwhelmed him too much and he went to her.

And what a devastating sight to see.

Her tired and soulless eyes, her lifeless hair, and her pale skin.

_Where had the lively princess I knew gone?_

He tried speaking to her, tried to regain the jovial young lady he had met and known but to no avail. She was like a flower stuck in a vase with nothing to do but stare and be pretty.

Was he too cruel? Were his words harsh? His mind ran and ran with thoughts and questions, but in the end all he could think of was that he was to blame.

**_“WE FOUND HER!”_ **

Erudian lifted his head and looked to the direction of the eastern side of the gardens. He dashed to its direction, his pace hurrying when he heard screams and gasps.

He arrived at one of the hedge entrances to find weeping maids, the Princess’s lady-in-waiting kneeling on the ground beside the artificial lake and four knights were in the waters, placing a white clean blanket on the surface water.

And Erudian forgot to breathe when he saw the silhouette of a woman when the sheet was placed.

“Yereninovica…” he whispered, his voice quivering. “Y… Yerenica…” he pushed through the servants and knights who stared solemnly at the floating corpse. There were some who tried to stop him but he pushed them off.

He jumped into the lake, uncaring for his clothes or for his public appearance, because what mattered most was,

**_“YERENICA!”_ **

“Sire..” a knight tried but Erudian shrugged him off and removed the sheet.

And there she was.

Lips as white as snow, her snow-white skin replaced by a cold grey, and her once shiny and silky locks, covered in the grime of the lake. Her eyes were sealed shut and Erudian despaired as he could not see those beautiful eyes. She wore her nightdress and the men averted their gazes when the water had turned it transparent but Erudian saw nothing but death.

“Yeni, Yeni…” he cradled the cold to his chest and let out a painful sound as he tried to wake her up, his hand on her cold cheek while the other on her back to support her. “No,” he groaned, “No, no, no. I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.”

But the princess didn’t wake, nor did she stir. And all was silent except for the quiet sobs of the maids and the painful sounds of the mourning emperor who regretted everything he had done.

—❖—

Soleia watched quietly at the hedge entrance as the man she had once tried so hard to win became a broken man. She gulped down the awful feeling swallowing her whole and she tried to rein in her trembling hands.

_“His Majesty, you have to take care of him and make him happy.”_

The red-haired woman closed her eyes and took deep breaths.

**[What are you waiting for? This is the perfect opportunity. He’s vulnerable and weak.]**

Soleia glanced once again at the man who shook and pushed away anyone who tried to separate them. She had once hated him. Hated his family for killing hers. But in the end, he was nothing but an innocent man who wasn’t even involved in their deaths.

He was a great emperor who sacrificed every happiness he had since childhood for his people, that she knew.

And now he lost the one chance he had to feel that happiness _because of her._

_“Take care of him and make him happy.”_

Soleia ignored the voice and stepped closer to the lake. Without a care, she removed her shoes and lifted her dress to step into the lake. No one called for her, no one tried to stop her. She waddled and struggled until a knight in the lake offered his hand and helped her step closer.

Finally, as she stood behind the Emperor, she placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

“Your Majesty,” she tried and he froze. “we need to… to get her out of the water.”

“---” the Emperor muttered something but she didn’t hear.

“Your Majesty?”

“I said, **_go away._** ” He snarled at her and Soleia flinched. “Go away! I don’t want you here! I don’t want you near her or me! Go!”

Soleia gulped and slowed her breathing. “I can’t do that.”

The emperor turned his eyes to her, a mad look in his eyes and Soleia spoke before he could attack her with his divinity.

“I made a promise with the Princess.”

And like that, the Emperor weakened and she held his attention. She smiled at him, one full of sorrow and pity.

“She told me to take care of you and make you happy.” She bowed her head. “Please allow me to do so.”

—❖—

“Why does Father come here often?”

Soleia looked down at her son who looked at his father’s back. He was here again, in the lake where he had lost something most precious to him. And Soleia could understand that even with their son, he struggled being happy still.

“Father comes here a lot, as well as Bellrock Palace but no one lives there.” Deckard pointed out, “And Uncle Diego says it’s because he loves very much. But he has us so why is he going there? Also, why are there so many pink roses? The lake is covered with it even.”

Soleia stared at her son with a sad look in her face. _They’re for someone who could have been your mother._

Soleia woke in the middle of the night to hear footsteps and opened her door to see her husband walking down the hallway from his own bedroom. And the sounds had woken their seven-year-old son, Deckard, who glanced at his mother curiously and they silently agreed to follow the silent man.

She knew where he was going. He always came here every night and every morning without failure. And when he was away, he would ask her to do it.

 _‘I don’t want her to be alone._ ’

And now they watched Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat stare into the lake surrounded by pink roses and covered by the blossoms which had fallen from their shrubbery. The moonlight glistened in the lake and the reflecting light made the water brighter, almost resembling a brighter sky,

_and eyes that they knew…_

“Deckard,” Soleia whispered as she knelt to her son’s level, eyes never straying from her husband, “your father is here because he loves someone very much.” She gripped her son’s shoulder. “And we have to understand that.”

“But Father loves us.”

 _No, he doesn’t love me, little one._ She chuckled, but she was fine with it. They both understood what they were doing when they entered this marriage. It wasn’t for her.

It was for him. And he was for _her._ And she wanted to do that. She wanted to pay all the sins she had made for the two she had separated.

“Father loves you very much, Deckard.” She kissed his little forehead as she once again looked at the Emperor who still hasn’t moved a single inch.

He resembled the moon with his white hair and night clothes, and the glistening lake and pink blossoms were stars. Was his Princess.

 _In the end,_ Soleia huffed with a melancholic smile, her heart filled with sorrow for the man who tried to take care of her but could never love. For the man who does everything for their son whom he wishes he could share with someone else. _when you’re with me, you wish I was someone else. When you touch me, you think of her…_

_I’m the one you have, but not the one you love._

“But there is someone he can never let go, he can never give up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Ate Riizi
> 
> Also, please leave some kudos and comments~


End file.
